I-88 and I Have Broken Up.

Normally, I love I-88. I love it's two-laned beauty.

But it's all over now.

Last night, after having been at a gathering in which there was illegal substances present which would lend their scent to one's clothes, I decided to set the cruise control to the speed limit (a fairly speedy 65 mph). Not that I had partaken of said illegal substance, but I figured that getting pulled over whilst smelling of said substance would not be, to quote Martha Stewart "a good thing."

So after having driven for a good half hour or so, we start to reach civilization (or, close to it, I mean it's Aurora!) and I'm no longer the only car on the road, so I figure it's safe enough to speed. "Just as long as I'm not leading the pack," I think, "I should be fine." And I was, for awhile. We're almost to 294, and I'm thinking, "All right! Home safe." I'm in the center lane, and there's a bit of garbage on the road. A little blob of gray. Looks like newspaper, so I don't bother changing lanes, it'll go right under the car.

Or so I thought. The blob of gray? An opossum. I made eye contact with the opossum. And then freaked out. Fortunately, he didn't move, and went under the car, no problem. But it still managed to scare the living hell out of me. I mean, what the hell was an opossum doing, just sitting there in the middle of the center lane?!

So naturally, at this point, I'm a little shaken. I see the signs for the 294 interchange, and I breathe a sigh of relief. 294 has always loved me and would never plague me with woodland creatures. So I'm driving along and have to go between a panel truck and an SUV. I'm feeling a little nervous about this, as the lane suddenly seems too narrow. I grit my teeth and drive through and then the SUV starts to swerve into my lane.

"Motherf*cker!" I yell, and slam on the brakes. Fortunately the SUV quickly went back to his own lane, and there was no one behind me. I spent the rest of the drive home fighting off tears.

So that's it, 88, you and I are finished. I want my promise ring back.